Borrowed

I borrowed this from C:)'s blog,
hope you don't mind.

There is nothing like the feeling that a part of your life is over... for certain.
It is a crazy kind of calm.

This is definitely true.

Now, that there is definitely a divorce in the process, I can let go of the stupid dreams of reconciliation I was clinging to for an absolutely dead marriage.
It has been way beyond no recommitment, dead.

and that leads me to another of c:)'s writings.

This marriage did not work out not because of our career minded lives got in the way.
What career??
I had a so-called "career" for 25 years because
(1)I did not want to be a beggar or sponge off people to survive.
(2)I did not have a partner who could or would allow me the dream I had since I was
a teen-ager....to be a homemaker.
Stay home, cook, bake, be artisitic in the home decor dept.
have a small garden to supply our needs.
just be me.
I never succeeded in having a partner who was ambitious enough to be career minded enough to support my dream.
Hence,no dream realized.
I usually would be the one in the end supporting the effort of keeping a home together and keeping a vehicle paid for.
I, of course, in the span of 25 years did spend a lot of time running away from and hiding from what some people would call a normal lifestyle by being in the equine industry, but you can have a life in that business.
I have seen some people accomplish it.
I just wasn't one of those chosen few.
I indulged in a lot of things I shouldn't have. That life was on the wild and crazy side of life.
I was always looking in the wrong places for that simple dream that stayed in the back of my mind and heart.
Hence,no dream realized.

Then finally, after wasting 36 years in a fruitless jobs and a crazy career, I started living a different lifestyle.(the old didn't have benefits, just a love for horses)

Started a real career.
One with 401k's and all the extras.
normal work hours.
met a really sweet guy.
told him of my dream
we got married
told him I would willing keep a part-time job to support any extra expenses to keep peace in the house if my "career" was to get in the way..

now 6 years later, only living 2.5 of those years together

lol..what got in the way wasn't a job by any means.

but now
I am so much more a peace right now, first time in years.

It is hard to explain
I shaped my life to suit the format of a marriage,
bent over backwards to please who mattered most to me in life
my partner

now

when I come home, I am alone
I don't cry anymore
I don't fret over the lost dream
Actually, I hadn't thought of that dream for quite awhile, until today.

LOL, I actually hope it is the real thing this time for him.
he wants to marry someone else

now, yeah, with the divorce begun
it is a certain end to that season of my life.

once again
There is nothing like the feeling that a part of your life is over... for certain.
It is a crazy kind of calm.

As a prior post says

I will not allow my negative circumstances to determine my success or failure. I AM A SUCCESSFUL and PROSPEROUS WOMAN, because God is with me. I create positive surroundings and I create good breaks by choosing life today

TY C:)