Is it over yet?

Oh, I am so hoping now that the holiday is over that maybe the stable enviroment at work can be achieved now.

I so so miss the peaceful atmosphere we had a month ago even though it was not all together set in stone routines developed yet, but from August till December were truly the best I had experienced at work as far as leadership goes. Yes, things happened but we had a strong but gentle support system present with us and we so desperately need that presence now.

It was supposed to get easier, more stable with this new guy.. I am still in limbo. People who do not like my faithfulness to the company or my following of policy and regulations are trying even harder to influence the new guy with their so called best ways when everyone involved at this point was on the verge of being fired not so very long ago for their behavior that has only had a thin veil shading them from being recognized as the thorns in everyone's sides. They are trying so desperately to get me gone. They even try stupid things like trying to make it look like they have absolutely no training on certain things, they don't have a clue what is supposed to be going on or how to do the same things they have been doing for over a year, when I know for a fact they have and do know. There has been a sweet lady who has helped train who will now be training.

So now, I will not be training anyone. Which is fine. They can irritate this other poor sweet lady doing the task. Pray for her.

I am to do more office stuff which would be good if I was given the time and training to do it. In the meantime, I am trying desperately to do what is asked of me and trying desperately not to offend anyone as I am a person who I am told can be very intimidating to others.

I am sorry. Right is right and wrong is wrong.

When you don't give a damn about what directions are given to you and you insist on doing things the way you want to, which is almost always the wrong way, it bothers me. When other people do stuff and I have to be held accountable for their irresponible actions, it tends to rub me the wrong way. When you do the deed and I get the kick in the ass and I am not even on the clock, yeah, that bites my butt hard.

I am so hoping that maybe with learning some of the neccessry things I need to progress, I can get transfered to another location. Yeah, those other places might have their problems but it would be different problems.

I love my job. I love what I am doing. I love where I am living.
BUT
I am tired. I am tired of the games that don't seem to be seen by the eyes that should be seeing it. Holidays games with people calling in or too many people scheduled off and having to work the office and the floor, not much office work done. I just spent 3 days of trying to be someone I am not being paid to be and covering the shortages which totaled 5 out of 8 people in the morning and 4 out of 7 in the evening with me supposedly doing a 5 to 1 and then back at 4 til 7 schedule. I ended up one day being in from 3:15 am (I didn't clock in till 5) till about 9:30 pm with a 1/2 hr lunch on a holiday eve with lots of stuff to do we don't normally do. umm about...39 hrs in 3 days. Yeah, I'm tired. With working the way I am right now, I am tired of working so many long hours and not having a life. I am tired of not being close to family. Yesterday, Christmas, was the hardest. With not working. Getting up, making some candies, gingerbread bites, pumpkin bread. Stuff to take to a friendand her family, that had invited me over so I wouldn't be by myself for the holiday.

All the while I am making this stuff I am thinking, if I was near Julz, she and the kids could be having some fun doing this with me. As it should be. And look at me, here I am battling with fools at work who don't even like me, thinking about taking some of this suff to them instead of being with people I love and people who love me like my family.

Nawwwwwwww, I'm taking all the stuff to my friend Wanda's. She is a dear friend who I used to work with when I was a dept manager for Wally-World and knows who I am as a person and how I think and how I feel and how good I really am as a person and a worker.
Of course, with her, I was with a group of people who all look at me in a different light. They looked at me as a person who was part of a work force, not as a person trying to stop you from doing things you were not supposed to be doing, as I have to at this place and season in my life.

I didn't work w/inmates. I didn't work w/people who didn't honor policies and principles that kept a decent working enviroment.

I worked with people who respected me for my values, beliefs and were in true competition for sales of products not competition of favoritism.
I loved that job also, I just couldn't do the physical aspect of the job any longer.

I'm tired. I'm tired of not being recognized as a person willing to bust my arse for this company.
I'm tired of having to explain why others do or don't care to do things that common sense, let alone policy tells you not to do with inmates.
Good God, I don't want them to know about my life because you never know what tomorrow brings.
One guy in another part of the facility befriended an inmate, when the inmate got out, he robbed this guy's house wile he was working.

We are surrounded by burglars, theives, con-artists. You can sit back and watch these cons play these people out on the floor to get what they want. The inmates control the situations.
We, the staff, are supposed to be in control of the area. They feed statements to the staff that the staff believes, the inmates flirt with the women, you can see it. They make them laugh and talk and carry on with them and they just don't see it. They think I am being a hard ass just to be a hard ass.
They don't see it as a protective mode.(besides being policy)
yuck, that word aagin, policy
I want to work around people who are aware of their surroundings and aware of what is being done to them and around them instead of focusing on how much of a bitch I am because I try to stop the stupid stuff.
I want to work with people who give a damn and do something about it instead of whining and crying about things that are out of their control anyway.

I'm done for a minute. Got other things to do, like laundry.

Life

You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young and embarking on my new life. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...
And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is..the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise... How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?

I remember well.. seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like... But, here it is...my friends are retired and really getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Lots are in better shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant... but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over...its over....Yes , I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done ,,,,,things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime....

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for good today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

"Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after.
Make it a fantastic one."

LIVE IT WELL!!----

ENJOY TODAY!!!!-----DO SOMETHING FUN!!!----BE HAPPY!!!----BE THANKFUL!!!!!

What fire burns within? A fire must be fed to continue to burn. What are you feeding your fire? Does the fire need to be straved so it will smolder and eventually go out or is your fire one that needs to be kindled so it will never go out? Good fire: kindness,mercy, love,forgiveness. Bad fire: anger, unforgiveness, hatred, self-centeredness. You choose!!!

Life is made up of steps.Todays steps are tomorrows future. Think about what steps you want to take and consider what they will bring to your tomorrow. A step not worth considering, most likely isn't worth taking.

Prune me

Pruning- to cut off unwanted parts.When tending plants there comes a time when we must prune them. A rose brush is a good example, at the end of the season a rose bush needs pruned, the process is to cut away all the branches that are dead and to cut back those that still have life. During this process the plant looks dead , the only thing remaining is a few brown limbs. There seem to be no life in the plant, but looks are deceiving. The rose brush is very much alive.

In our lives there comes a time to allow God to prune us.To cut off any unwanted parts that will hinder His work. During this process we may not look so great and to some we may appear dead . This is the time to trust and believe that the good work that Christ has started in us, He will see through to completion. Just as a rose brush comes to a new season, with fresh and beautiful blooms, we can know that we will have a new season also. So take time and trust God, to do His pruning. Watch and expect to see new and beautiful blooms next season.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-13 NIV

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build., a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to be silent and a time to speak,a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on man. he has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the begining to the end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in his toil - This is the gift of God.

Times and seasons do change.

Logan and his calf

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Nicole's Prayer

A Baby's Hug

This was sent to me.
It says pass it on,
I am this way by blogging it.

Tore me up


We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat
Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and
talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, 'Hi.' He
pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were
crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as
he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man
whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked
out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed
and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and
his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His
hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. 'Hi there, baby; hi there,
big boy. I see ya, buster,' the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?'


Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.'

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at
the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.
Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, 'Do
ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-
a-boo.'

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk.

My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except
for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring
skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My
husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot.
The old man sat poised between me and the door. 'Lord, just let me
out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed. As I drew
closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid
any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm,
reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I
could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.



Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated
their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and
submission la id his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The
man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His
aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's
bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply
for so short a time.



I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms
and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm
commanding voice, 'You take care of this baby.'



Somehow I managed, 'I will,' from a throat that contained a stone.



He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he
were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, 'God bless you,
ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift.'

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms,
I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and
holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God,
forgive me.'

I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of
a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a
soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who
was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking,
'Are you willing to share your son for a moment?' when He shared His
for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, 'To enter the
Kingdom of God , we must become as little children.'

If this has blessed you, please bless others by sending it on.

Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really
important. We must always remember who we are, where we came from
and, most importantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your
back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does
not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that
identifies who you are.

This one is a keeper.

'It is better to be liked for the true you, than to be loved for
who people think you are......'

yup

MyHotComments / HotFreeLayouts

Ho Ho Ho

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Just been one of those days

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Ice Cream Anyone!!!!!!

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Merry Christmas

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Couldn't help myself ;~)

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Angel moment

"There arose against [us]... Euroclydon." Acts 27:14

Euroclydon! It's the only storm named in Scripture. It means "typhoon," and Paul had to sail through it to reach his destiny. Observe:

(1) To reach your goal you'll have to go through storms. "When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, we finally gave up all hope of being saved" (Acts 27:20 NIV). There will be days when you'll wonder how you're going to make it. But by God's grace you will!

(2) Storms reveal how well you know God. "Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood beside me and said, 'Do not be afraid, Paul,'" (Acts 27:23-24 NIV). It's the tough times that reveal the strength of your God-connection.

(3) God can make a success out of a shipwreck. Notice some important things in this story:

(a) Sometimes you'll have to throw stuff overboard (See Acts 27:18).
(b) In spite of your best efforts you'll occasionally run aground (See Acts 27:26).
(c) You must remember what God told you and stand on it (See Acts 27:25).

(4) Often the worst thing that could have happened turns out for the best. God used this shipwreck to reach Malta with the Gospel. And notice what happened to Paul and his traveling companions as they left that island: "They honored us...and when we were ready to sail, they furnished us with the supplies we needed" (Acts 28:10 NIV).

Stop worrying, God will provide what you need in ways that amaze you. If you're His child you're not the victim of circumstances. Your future is not in the hands of people, it's in the hands of God. And what He owns, He takes care of!

Funny how I can put something in here about a battle or storm, big or small and I receive little nudges letting me know that I am not alone in this.
Funny how I can spend my idle time with trying to figure things out and why and where and when and how can I get to where I want to be.

Just this morning, I am wondering if they are ever going to commit me to a title and a real job description or am I staying in limbo still.
(not that I feel the urgencgy for a title,I'll do anything as long as I know what it is I am supposed to be doing.)

If you want me to be asst., then say so, give me the pay and the title and train me properly.
If you don't want me to be the asst. then let me do my old job and do this stuff yourself!!!!

The new guy keeps calling us (him & me)"management".

I have baited him a few times trying to make him say that I am his asst., but he won't.

Oh well, I finally have some sort of schedule to follow.

Baby steps, I know.

Pateince, I know.

Then I receive this devotional above.

So to borrow a fellow blogger's way of showing some wisdom that hits me in the head periodically, I will call them "angel moments"

Just hope I can find as many angels as you do fairies, lol ;~)

Obviously,I need every once in awhile, a hit in the head reminding me I chose to acknowledge that the "Big Guy" is in control and that I do need to let Him do what He knows is best and stop trying to figure it all out or trying do it for myself.

duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

It's going to happen one of these days
*doin the dance*

The bathtub deal

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."


"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"



ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE ?

21 days of Constancy breaks the habit and develops a new better one..or so my District manager says..yeah right..lol
ut hum...it's been months
Lots of work issues that have not been settled with all the management changes that consistently plagues us.
We now have another new manager, a young "established with the company" type, so hopefully things will settle down and have some consistency that will bring a better working environment.
But of course, that will bring some more change that might bring a little more unrest.
We have issues with behavior and performance.
Like 20 % performance and 80% behavioral problems.
It's quite the challenge to get the job done properly, cost effectively and with some harmony with staff.

Harmony with staff.
What a lovely thought.

I want to be positive here.
I would like to think there might be some kind of camaraderie.
Like back each other in every one's decisions
support system followed while policy and procedures are done properly.

Oh wait, am I sleeping?
must have been a dream thinking any of this possible with the staff we have.

not going there.
nope

I promised this blog will be a more positive outlook
not a griping blog.

;~)

My reading fairy

Wow!!!!!
My reading fairy is an angel who smacked me into awareness and made it easier to accept the decision I have made recently w/ my marriage.
Kind of goes with a statement made by my pastor when I said I was trying to hold on until the Lord got a hold of Larry.
I was willing to forgive.
The pastor knew I was sincerely trying to be the woman I thought Jesus wants me to be in my newly found walk. The pastor told me" it's ok to be stupid for Jesus but don't be just plain stupid"
I kind of took offense at first, but there has been too many other happenings that have proved to me he was right in saying what he said.

Like this, for instance

“What about forgiving within an unhealthy relationship, one that is toxic and dysfunctional? Should you continue in the relationship when the person just keeps doing the same thing over and over again, never changing his behavior?”


To quote my sister, “Forgiveness isn’t the same as stupid!” It doesn’t mean we’re to act like doormats, allowing evil to run rampant in an abusive relationship. Loving our enemy does not mean excusing his behavior.


To echo the civil rights activist Martin Luther King, we need to understand the difference between non-resistance to evil and non-violent resistance. In any toxic relationship, we strive to resist the abuse with a peace-filled, godly response. This includes establishing healthy boundaries where you’re less vulnerable to abuse and, if God directs, it may mean ending the relationship (much easier said than done when the abuser is a parent, a spouse, or a child).


Regardless, the act of forgiveness does not require you to keep taking the abuse, and it doesn’t mean you must remain in the abusive situation.


Jesus shows us that forgiveness can be immediate when he forgives those who were crucifying him – during the very act of crucifixion: “Father, forgive these people, because they don't know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34a NLT)

As we mature in Christ, God will teach us to forgive constantly, even instantly. But it’s a learning process, so don’t take off on a guilt trip if you’re unable to do that now. Fall upon God’s grace and let him move you closer toward forgiveness. It may – probably will – take time to fully receive his grace to forgive, and God can work with that. The first step may simply be to let God soften your heart. Our hearts have a tendency to become hardened in difficult relationships.

Again, let me stress, the softening of your heart toward the abuser is not the same as saying it’s OK to keep taking the abuse, and it’s not the same as saying you have to stay in a situation where you are being or may be abused.

Forgiveness is not the same as agreeing with the behavior of the abuser.


What now?


· Remember the enemy is the enemy – The Bible teaches that when we’re in conflict, the real enemy is not the person we face. The real battle we’re in is against Satan’s unseen spiritual forces of wickedness. (Ephesians 6:12) The enemy wants us to think the battle is ours alone, and that causes us fight as if we’re separated from God. Our goal should be to trust that God is in the battle. (1 Samuel 17:47)


· Through prayer, bless those who abuse you – With your prayers, you can bless people who continually hurt you. They’re in bondage to their own sins, and although that doesn’t excuse their behavior, it does give you insight into how you can pray for them. God intended these relationships for good, yet they’re stripped away by alcohol or anger issues or other counterfeits Satan uses to destroy true fellowship and family. Pray for them to become the person God always intended.


· Take a firm stand – You need group to support you in an intervention, and you may need a mediator present, but the Bible teaches God’s light can penetrate the deepest darkness with hope for restoration and reconciliation. This can provide a quicker path to healing. Regardless, you need to take a firm stand against the abuse, and you may need others to help you do that.


· Should I stay or go? – I’ve seen abusive relationships over the years and know it would be naive to suggest that an intervention, sprinkled with some prayer dust, will suddenly change everything. Some people respond to confrontation; some are crushed by the love of God invading their heart. But many, many people remain toxic and abusive, even when confronted in love, even when forgiven, even when drenched in God’s grace. You may very well need to end the relationship, as difficult as that may be. It’s not your job to change the person, so don’t consider it a failure on your part if he or she doesn’t change when confronted with God’s love and truth.

I'm done
I do feel so much better with this decision now. I did have some guilt feelings because I felt like I was offending by not following the teachings and the people who told me they were praying for us.
I felt guilty for wanting out from the beginning of the mess.
The preacher would teach how we had to stand by in the wings and show our support for our offenders and give up forgiveness for them.
I admit I was confused,
I admit I have a weak side when it comes to someone I put my heart,my soul, my whole being into trying to keep someone happy.
It was hard realizing I was trying to fix my life with getting into this relationship.
I admit I was one of the millions who had led a so-called independant life yet had a big hole needing to be filled somewhere in the hard heart I had.
I always felt I was still needing something, yet when I met this guy, my head got so twisted around in ways I never let anyone else do in my life, I felt this was what I was supposed to do.
After all, I was getting old and did not want to be alone when I was 80.
Funny how 8 yrs later, 3 yrs away from being legally retired,
I am not worried about being alone as far as having a partner in life.
I have a totally different outlook at being independant.
I have my family now almost within a hugs reach,
I have my Jesus now
I know now if there is a someone out there for me, The Lord will make it possible.
After all, I am not done going places and doing things yet.

I done with all the old stuff, yuppers
Thank you Jesus
*doin the dance*
and I feel good
do do dododo wah

ps
putting this all behind
won't hear no more
only when the divorce is finally final will you hear maybe a
HOORAY!!!

Check This Out

Have you heard about this case? Great answer from the
judge!
In Florida , an atheist became intensely upset over the
preparation of Easter
and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer
about the
discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant
celebrations
afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays
while atheists
had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the
long
passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his
gavel and
declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and
said, 'Your
honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The
Christians have
Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have
Passover, Yom
Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists
have no such
holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said,
'Obviously your
client is too confused to even know about, much less
celebrate his own
atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of
any such
holiday for atheists Just when might that holiday be, your
Honor?'
The judge said, 'Well it comes every year on exactly the
same
date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as
'April Fools
Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in
his heart,
there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says
there is no
God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his
holiday! Now
have a good day and get out of my courtroom!

TWENTY THINGS TO REMEMBER

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of
shape.

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to
be still so He can untangle the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day -- it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
Come on in.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast,
so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's
just hearsay.

18. Its all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just
be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage.
The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking.
Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out
it's neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.
Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is
merely what others think you are. No matter the storm, when you
are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. Leave gentle
fingerprints on the soul of another for the angels to read.

Maxine, got to love her

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it


My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.


It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --


Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter. .either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!?

Ummm, yeah, I want to

"You...enlarged me when I was in distress." Psalm 4:1 AMP

Did you know that the hermit crab looks for a shell that fits him, then lives in it till he outgrows it?
At that point he has to scurry along the ocean floor and find a bigger one; it's a process that repeats itself throughout his entire life.
Are you clinging to something that no longer fits you, just because it's easy and familiar? David said, "You...freed me when I was hemmed in and enlarged me when I was in distress." To develop and grow spiritually you must be willing to move out of your comfort zone and deal with a little 'distress.'

What worked for you yesterday may not work today.
Maybe it's a job you've outgrown, a relationship you need to reexamine or a behavior you need to change.
Regardless of what it is, never become so 'settled' that you can't let go and move on when you need to.

Patience and persistence are admirable, but they won't work in situations you've outgrown.
Instead of hanging in and trying harder, at certain points you have to stop and ask yourself, "Is this situation good for me?"
If you're not sure, ask God for "an understanding mind [to]...know the difference between...right and...wrong" (1Ki 3:9 TLB). His Word says, "If you need wisdom...ask [him], and he will [gladly] give it to you" (Jas 1:5 NLT).

When God says it's time to move on, it's because there's another shell out there that will fit you even better.
But you can't take occupancy till you vacate the old one.

So how about it - am I ready for bigger things?
You bet I am.
Those who know me, know that I usually step up with confidence in most areas of my journeys.
There is a supposed journey in my near future that comes with a promotion and the availability to get in a closer vicinity of family for more frequent visits.
Yes, yes, I am so ready for that in this season of my life.
I sometimes feel that tug of impatience pulling at me but I know it is a test to see if I can handle what is being put on my platter.

Lately, with the different transitions of management,doing anywhere from 12 to 16 hr days, I am so ready to step out of what I have been doing for the last yr and a half in being the one to keep picking up the pieces at work and holding everything together with spit and glue until they can get a permanent manager in the facility.

Well, folks, he is supposedly here.
I am ready!!

I have outgrown what I am doing, I am ready for more.

I don't want to settle for what I am doing.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I love what I am doing, I would just rather do it in an area closer to the kids.

I am so ready to stop being by myself in most everything I do.
Now that I know Larry is never going to give up his lustful ways.
Now that I finally done with the emotional abuse I accepted from his life.
I will agree to what he wants, a divorce.
I am not paying and/or doing it by myself.
We got into this together, we can get out of this together.

I need to get a life other than work.
I am missing out on so much.
If I can get there from here..
I will be able to be within reach of kids, sisters,and Mom.
Someday all will be within reach of a hug.
Hmm, imagine that.
Won't have to drive 8 or better hours.

While talking to Julz, she was taking pictures on her phone of the kids to send me.
She kept telling them to stop being goofy so she could get a decent picture.

Wait..what is wrong with letting me see goofy.
I want to see goofy.
I want to see the real thing.
Be yourself, please.
You are going to have to let me see who you really are when I get there
so you might as well start now.

In saying that, I was introduced to the kids "MySpace" pages...
LOL...all I can say is...kid's will be kids.

I know everyone has seen this at least once in their life.
When I first started learning about the computer, this was one of the first cool pictures I was sent.

I sometimes, in my mind's eye,turn the picture around so the lion is looking at a kitten.
Telling myself that is what I need to do after I am shown how to peacefully deal with some of these inmates.

I wish I could find the picture in my mind's eye so I could print it out and post it for all to see.

Someday

Hmmmm,
Thought about writing a book.
No one would believe some of the stories I would have to tell.
It would be about the life of a confused, abused, abuser, alcoholic, promiscuous mother who raised a confused, abused, alcoholic, drug-addicted, promiscuous abuser mother who lived in the middle of the height of corruption in a big city with a big crime figure then ended up living in hiding in the life of a backsider in the equine business to trying to be all she could be in another whole different life.

Whew what a mouthfull.

But it happened
When I figure out a way to do it without it sounding like a confession or an apology or an excuse,
I will do a book.
I would like it to be a testimony.
A testimony, so others can see there is a way out and that life can be more than a better situation.

But not now, I have to go to the neighborhood grocery do I can get some kind of decongestant.
I am supposed to go to a ladies luncheon today and I don't want boggers running the whole time I am there.

;~)

I have been reading all kinds of quips from all kinds of blogs today and one in particular amused me in a sense but then also made me seriously contemplate was being said by all concerned, author and comments included.
Wants and needs.
If someone is seriously spiritfilled, supposedly they have no needs what so ever because the Big Guy has everything under control and will supply those needs so then you of course have no wants.
You want your needs to be taken care of so are they not wants and if your needs are taken care of, you have no wants.

Whewwwwwwwwww,
Am I confused now or what.

I have needs that I guess I confuse with wants.

like this ;~)
I need to have a better relationship with my family because I want my family to go where I am going when the Lord comes for us.

or I can put it this way

I want to have a better relationship with my family because I need my family to go where I am going when the Lord comes for us.

hmmmmmm

I'm sorry, but I do need water everyday, you hear me, everyday.
to drink, to bathe, to wash my dirty clothes.
even if I was in a desperate situation, I know my needs will be taken care of.
so I guess that is why I really don't need anything, except some self discipline to stop spending money on things that I don't need..
Any one who has read my old blog knows, that consistantly, I have been blessed with the things I have needed.
It's been eventually with this addition to the blog world, another note of conviction for me about wants and needs.

I am blessed with the things I need, all I have to do is want and appreciate what I do have.
I am so blessed and I am looking forward to the want and need of family ties to become a reality as a blessing soon.

Have a blessed day

I know it's early...but

www.hostdrjack.com

Diet??

Girly glitter comments from www.GirlyTags.com

writings of 15 yr old granddaughter

Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about.
I can't" isn't a reason to give up, it's a reason to try harder.
Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
You must be strong now.
You must never give up.
And when people make you cry and you are afraid of the dark, don't forget the light is always there.
My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won't let me.
You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.
Never give up.
And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.



Beauty is not based on how attractive we are to everybody else, but how attractive we are to ourselves, for one cannot think other people think they are full of beauty unless they know they are beautiful too.
No one realizes the beauty of love, until you're caught in it.If I were blind, within my heart I could still see the beauty that is you.Beauty can be very deceiving to the eye, so love because they bring joy and happiness into your life.
What is beauty if the brain is empty?
The perception of beauty is a moral test.
Beauty lies within a person that is willing to do anything for their love, love is beauty within the heart.
Do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?



REACH OUT AND OPEN THE DOOR THAT NO ONE THOUGHT COULD BE OPENED.LIFE IS BEHIND IT!WE DONT HAVE AN ETERNITY TO REALIZE OUR DREAMS.
ONLY THE TIME WE ARE HERE IF YOU RISK NOTHING.
THEN YOU RISK EVERYTHING

Life is what you make it!!

"Always full of the joy of the Lord, and always thankful." Colossians 1:11-12 TLB

Once there was an old and very wise man. Every day he and his granddaughter would sit outside a gas station in his rocking chair, waiting to greet tourists as they passed through his small town. One day a tall man who surely had to be a tourist, began looking around as if he were checking out the area for a place to live. "So what kind of town is this?" he asked. The old man replied, "Well, what kind of town are you from?" The tourist said, "One where everyone is very critical of each other. It's a real negative place to live." The old man said "You know, that's just how this town is."

Later, a family passing through also stopped for gas. The father stepped out and asked the old man, "Is this town a good place to live?" "Well, what about the town you're from? The father said, "In the town I'm from everyone is very close and always willing to lend a helping hand. I really hate to leave it." The old man smiled and said, "You know, that's a lot like this small town."

After the family had left the granddaughter looked up and asked, "Grandpa, how come when the first man came you told him this was a terrible place to live, yet when that family came you told them it was a wonderful place to live?" The old man looked down into his granddaughter's wondering blue eyes and said, "No matter where you go, you take your attitude with you. And that's what makes it terrible or wonderful."

Yes, life is what you make it!

Girly glitter comments from www.GirlyTags.com


ya'll have a great turkey day and remember to be thankful for all you have.

Uuuuuggghhh Judgemental??

I was just reading a sweet lady's statement about being judgemental.

Oh boy, did I just have a lesson recently on that.

Of course, I didn't think I was being judgemental. All I was doing what stating facts. I thought I was letting others be the judgemental ones.
Of course there are those who say they are not judgemental and judge themselves.
Ut hum
myself included.
:~Z

I was called on, being judgemental.
I was called a liar. ( I did tell the truth)
I was accused of condemnation. (I will not condemn)

I might not be the pure Christ-like person some people expect of a Christian, but I do not purposely err.
I might not have all the verses memorized, but I know what the Word says to do.
I try my darndest to be who I am supposed to be in walking with Jesus.
I ask for guidance because I know it is all His plan and I don't have a clue where I am going or what I am supposed to do.
I am not a teacher of the Word, but I can read it and get direction.
I can use my screwed up life and the new life I have been graced with, to help people.
If people don't want to recognise God's Hand on me in my life and how much I have been blessed for being faithful,
shame on them.
I have decided that most of other people's judgement of me comes from jealousy and God doesn't like jealous either, does He?

Sorry, I don't get tired of telling people "it's as easy as you want to make it."
Do what you are supposed to do, the rest is history.
If you are going to ask and receive from God you are going to have to keep his commandments. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

OOoops sorry, got carried away again.

Connections

I am thanking the Lord for my recent connections.

My younger sister Sal has been kind of out of touch recently.

Had a message from another sister, Deb, that Sal had a heart problem the other night.
She went to the emergency room for fear of a heart attack.
Things like that are scary when you have prominent heart conditions in the family.

Makes me also think every so often when I have some pains and twitches and heart palpatations.

She is doing ok. Ok enough to go back to the casinos after her release from the emergency room a few hours later.
Thank you Lord.

In having this happen, the door opened again for communication.
I am thankful for that.
I keep asking the Lord to open the possibility for more connections with my family that has been so estranged.
Actually ended up in a 3 way conversation with Sal & Julz.
Connection w/Julz has been getting better.
We can now talk about everyday things, instead of the past.
Thank you, Jesus.

I believe someday that the strangeness of it all will disappear and that there will be more and more normal conversations.
I believe soon that there will be no more condemning others for what has happened in our disfunctional family's actions and lives.
I believe that someday there will be more laughter and tears of joy.

I think some of the family are finally realizing the we can have a connection of love and conversation with out having a constant" in person "connection.
Yes, It would make things better having the ability to see and hug the ones you love more often.
But when the pressure is on the other shoulders to be the one to physically make the trip and it is not successful for whatever reason.
I think the shoe being on the other foot makes it more understandable why I am not flying all over the country to visit or driving for 15 to 20 hours for a visit.

It's not easy.

Finally I am not being condemned for not being able to afford the luxuries of travel.

I eat up all and any communication that is made available through the internet and phone.
That's all I have at the moment.
That's all most of us have at the moment.

Lord, I am not complaining, I am grateful and thankful.

Until that day the Lord makes it possible for me to walk or drive a few miles for a visit.
Until the day the grandkids can come running up the drive or walk to see Gramma.

Until the Lord sees it is time to make our connection more reachable.

Until I can get to know everyone better in a more normal manner, I appreciate any efforts made to keep some form of connection with each other no matter how small or great the efforts.

Thank you Lord

More

I just saw a commercial on TV about a little girl walking with "Mom n Dad", swinging on a swing, having a wonderful time with what looks like her parents. The whole time someone is talking to the little girl "Sara" about how she wants to have and do things with her. Then the last staement was "I can't do these things, that is why you are with your new Mommy and Daddy. I did not give you up, because I didn't love you. I was trying to give you more, because I do Love you."

Tore my heart out.

Next Grandson's due date

Hooooooooray, hoooooray!!!!
The baby's going to be an NFLer.
So the story goes.....LOL

As long as he doesn't start out at Nebraska.
Sorry Keith, they stink this year.

wooooooooooooohoooooooo Kentucky yeahhhhhhh!!!

back to the baby boy.
He'll take after my side of the family, of course.
I can see him now...blonde hair and green or blue eyes.
yuppers
he could have one of each.
why not
that runs in the family too
his auntie has two different colored eyes
one good looking kid on his way.

He is due the day after my birthday.
lol
wouldn't that be toooo cool if he was born on my birthday?
He's going to be an Aries anyhow which means he will be a strong steady leader.
Look out world
get ready
LOL
ROFLMAO
(we won't say anything about how hardheaded he will be) ;~))

http://www.my-calorie-counter.com/Ticker/TickerEngine.php?RulerImage=ruler_quilt.gif&SliderImage=blue_bear.gif&DueDate=4/1/2008

A new toy

http://www.pageflakes.com/default.aspx

Oh Well, coffee time

Yeah, it's coffee time.

At Least I hope so.

Got water boiling on the stove.

Yes, I am boiling the water.

It's only me, so why ruin coffee by making a big pot and letting it set and get funky from just sitting on the heat fermenting and thickening.

YUCK!!!!!!

I'd rather have a fresh brewed cup every time, now that I don't drink as much and I don't have anyone to share a pot of coffee with.

*Patiently waiting*

Haven't ground the beans yet.

I will wait until I hear the whistle,

pour a little hot water into my cup to warm my cold cup and

then grind the little brown oily boogers and then awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

fresh brewed coffee.

nothing like it---nothing better

whoops

the whistle is blowing



*doin da coffee dance*



mmmmmmmmmm, soo so good.

that first cup in the am

which reminds me, it is awful early in the morning for being my day off.

started around 5 am

now it's 3 minutes away from 6

not sure why I am up

not sure why I was dreaming what I was dreaming.

only remember a smidgin of it but it had to do with a move

friends helping

recognisable faces in the move ,
no familiar places
and there was that someone who was helping me
that has been there before in my dreams and I always feel safe with, but no face.

He has been there before
As I have said in another blog,

Is this the next man in my life?
or
Is this God telling me that everything is all right and that He is there with me as always
through all that is about to happen.

I know He is there with me all the time anyhow, but you know how sometimes we as humans need that reassurance from someone that everything is going to be all right.
I was feeling like that yesterday for a couple of minutes.
Unsure

I reminded my self that He is there in all I do

Psa 22:24
He has never let you down, never looked the other way when you were being kicked around. He has never wandered off to do his own thing; he has been right there, listening.

I had some staff leave yesterday really really ticked off at me because I interceded in situation with a special diet that was not being produced the correct way.
It has been announced that this particular inmate has won a prior law suit over how he was not being fed the appropriate diet ingredients because of his health issues
( he has a liver disease)
we have to take the extra 20 seconds to insure that this is being done.
I had just been told by my manager to make sure these guys paid attention to the diet specifics. No excuses , no substitutions.
I went over the load sheet with the staff, suggested what they needed, walked away to do another task, come back and they still put items the man was not allowed to eat on his diet tray and was ready to send it out the door.
So in seeing this, I corrected the situation, the staff copped an attitude even though the manager was right in the middle of it all and backing me up, they got really upset with me.
Not him...me
I kept my cool.
When the manager later told me that they had not finished their daily paperwork, all I could tell him was it was because of what had happened over the diet situation, they were pissed and the other reason was because they never do finish it all.
They just walk out when they feel like it, all the time.

enough of that.

I promised I wasn't going to get into work related issues here in this blog,
I am not going there
I am not going there.

What to do today,
my day off.
hmmmmmmm
clean this little studio
do laundry
hmmmmmm
shop
oh yeah, there is a couple of things I want to get to make my tiny studio apartment into a cozy home.
Mainly some baskets to put on shelves to use a drawers to put my clothes in as I don't have a chest of drawers.
I think I am going to be creative today.
I might go get some of those put together thingys and make myself a hutch type thing with cupboards for the kitchen.
ya know...Martha Stewart style LOL
I need some storage space for dishes and pots and pans.
but then
I am thinking of this really neat bakers rack I saw, that had big huge hooks to hang pots and things from and a butcher block type surface and some shelving for open storage.
Really cool

but then

awwwwww shucks, I am just going shopping

the coffee was oh so good but now gone
need some more
it's getting daylight...need to find some stores open

to be contd;


;~))

Stolen Wisdom

had to do it.
had to steal this wisdom.

Had to share this with loved ones.

this is sooooooooooooooooo me.

I honestly see me in this.

Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way.
When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same particular way.

We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.

That approach makes us crazy.

It tends to get us stuck and trapped.

We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life.

We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't flow, we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.(been there)

Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder.

Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go and stop trying so hard.

If it doesn't work, if it doesn't flow, maybe life is trying to tell us something.

Life is a gentle teacher.
She doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us.
Sometimes, the signs are more subtle.
Something not working may be a sign.

Let go.
(how hard do I have to be hit in the head for this one)

If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path. (have done that)

Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate.

Sometimes, a different path opens up.

Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.

I am going to learn to let go(oh, Lord help me)

God is on your Side

how ironic.
I open my mail and this is there.
kind of blends with prior.


Today's Scripture
“If God is for us, who can be against us” (Romans 8:31)?


As a believer in Jesus and a child of His, God is on your side today!
If you haven’t thought about it yet today, remember, you are created for greatness.
You have the seed of Almighty God inside of you.
There is no obstacle that can stop you.
There is no disadvantage that can hold you back.
You’re in the palm of God’s hand, and He has equipped and empowered you for everything. When God is on your side, He sets the right people in your path.
In fact, He’s already released favor into your future.
He’s planning for you to come in to new seasons of increase.
Have you given up on a dream?
God is on your side, and He wants to resurrect it.
Have you given up on a family member? God is on your side, and He wants to restore that relationship.
God is on your side, and He has a plan for victory in every area of your life.
Let that sink down into your heart today.
Begin to expect His favor.
Expect Him to work in your life.
Focus on the fact that God has equipped you.
He has anointed you. Your best days are still out in front of you!
If God is for you, no one can rise against you!
As you meditate on this promise, it will become real to you.
You will walk in the favor and victory God has in store for you!

A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, thank You for being on my side today. Thank You for equipping and empowering me to accomplish everything You’ve called me to. Give me a deeper revelation of Your love for me today so that I can live the abundant life You have prepared for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

love

At church yesterday, the pastor talked about loving people.
He talked about how God loves us.
God is forgiving.

I know He loves me.
I know He has blessed me in different ways that some people could never imagine.
or should I say some people do not want to believe.

Funny how I can sit here and feel blessed when I know I have to give in to my husband's requests of a divorce.
Stupid me, for trying to think he would stop living in the "world" and want to appreciate life in a different normal manner.

lol, but then what is normal in such an abnormal life as mine.

I can sit here and feel blessed because I have a daughter who is pregnant, bringing into the world another grandchild which I pray someday I will be able to meet and hold.

I sit here torn because I am hoping to get a response from another daughter who has refused to let me into her life and wondering if the door will be shut in my face again even though she is in a battle for her life.
I pray that she is reaching up to God for help from Him.
All I can do to help her right now is pray for her healing and pray she will open communication back up so that maybe her wounds in her heart can also be healed.
The Lord said my children would live long abundant lives if I were to believe in Him and walk the Walk of Jesus and I am standing on that and rebuking anything that the enemy has put on or against my family.

I am blessed because of the possible opportunity to relocate with a job, so I can get to know my other daughter, her children and be close enough to visit all family members in the close vicinty, with-in a 4-6 hr drive. (better than now, 10 to 19 hr drive)
Hey, if this reloacation happens, that means I just might also be able to afford to flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

So watch out sunny Fla.
I just might end up coming that way for some visits.
I am praying so, anyhow.

Oh Lord, do you think it is possible to actually get a life soon.

Would love to be able to connect with my son, before the relocation.
After all he is only 3 to 4 hours away somewhere south of me.
Another child missing in action.
Just had a birthday last month.
Why should I think turning 38 and being that close in location should make a different in his feelings toward having me in his life.

oh, stupid me, again.,!!!!!

God does.
Thank you Lord for being the loving Abba Father that you are.

Starting over

Seems like I am always starting over.
Story of my life.
I promise not to intentionally offend anyone with any of my posts.

I really thought that blogging was kind of like a diary.
Where you could just say what ya want.
Vent.
Apologize.
Be human.

Let's see how this one goes.
I will try to behave.
I promise.